Sending love to you if life feels heavy. May God’s face shine upon you and give you peace.
My soul is continually uplifted with gratitude for a silent retreat I attended years ago. At this retreat, some materials and words of reflection were offered as guidance and the rest of the day was on our own. Plus God. We were offered some resources to read if desired, but mainly encouraged to listen to the spirit. We took time to read, rest, gently fall asleep, pray…you get the idea. The directors for the day reminded us to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves. They encouraged us to let whatever came up in our time, to simply come up. Not to judge it, critique it or manufacture it. But to let it rise to the surface from within us, and hold it with grace and compassion.
After lots of lovely sitting in one spot, I decided to walk out on the trail behind the church where we were located for this day retreat. The trail was sandwiched between giant trees and the grandeur that comes with them. The trail led to a light clearing in the trees that looked out over a large pond not far in the distance. I felt eager for enlightenment and lessons. Looking and waiting for goodness and peace, yet trying my best to balance that eagerness with acceptance for what was in the moment. As I gazed out at the clearing ahead of me, I reminded Ms. Excitable and Miss Eagerness palpating at the surface to accept and see what was. Then, I saw a decrepit looking tree and could feel the words in my mind telling me this represented my sin and perceived brokenness. Geez, thanks for the uplifting thought, subconscious. Judgment of the thought tempted to creep in. Ew, this is supposed to be enlightening and full of learning, why am I thinking about darkness and brokenness? So I just sat with it for a bit. Staring in observance, I allowed my reflecting energy to watch this brokenness of a subject and through prayer my thoughts about it diminished and it simply felt present and what was in front of me. As I took it in, Ms. Eagerness and Miss Enlightenment were slightly hoping for it to morph into a beautiful presence and energy in front of me. They didn’t. So I stayed in watchful attentiveness and let the observance seep into the space between my soul and body to see what it could teach me. Well, that was somewhat alarming but I won’t judge you. I’ll just watch you from here, thank you. After what felt like lingering for a while, I moved on ahead, briskly walking forward and only came to a stop when the creek beckoned me to do so.
The creek was in a state of fairly quick movement, despite the snow and continued cold temperatures of late Minnesota winter. I looked down at its beauty and gazed at the glitters of light sparkling from the pace at which the light contacted with the ever changing form of water. My attention was quickly caught by the fragments of nature getting caught up in and carried with the flow of water. I did my best to follow some of the pebbles and twigs with my eyes and was struck by how some of those fragments fall to the bottom, others got stuck at the bends in the creek, and yet others continued flowing. While following with my eyes, I hear, ‘Do not get stuck. Keep flowing. Keep with the energy of the flow.’
I took this to mean something like, do not be like the sediment, too heavy to continue or too attached to not find its way out of the corner. Keep with the flow. No need to get stuck, keep flowing. Keep with the flow.
I think back on this bridge and the movement of water often. It reminds me to focus on the flow of life, and to stay present with God’s presence within me. Focusing on the flow helps me notice my emotions without completely becoming them. It does not mean to live a passion free life, no quite the contrary. It is about tapping into living from the source of life from within instead of riding the wave of emotions, perceptions or judgments.
Getting stuck is okay too. Certainly a part of life. Like at the bends in the creek when pieces get unstuck, it usually comes with a burst forth of energy afterward. No fear in getting stuck. These are just observations that help me to live out the flow of life.
At first the creek helped me see a clear separation between the source of life within me and the emotions, judgments or perceptions that move through me. As time has passed, it has also been a lovely lesson felt in my bones on how I allow myself to experience the world around me. As an empath, I feel things around me and get weighed down by them to the point of inaction at times. I am tempted to feel that taking on the weight of the world is somehow helpful. When in truth, I think we can feel it without becoming it. We can feel it while we live from the divine source of life from within us. We can observe without absorbing and becoming weighed down. I can observe and let them move around my spirit without taking them on to the point of heaviness in my bones. And when it’s too hard, we rest. Or we take time in silence to watch how the heaviness shows up in our body. We can close our eyes and look with our mind’s eye to watch for where the feelings may be showing up in our bodies. Or we ask for support from a friend or healer to provide insight. Thinking back on this creek, and the flow of life moving through, is a simple reminder to myself to check in with the life I allow to move through me. It can also serve as a reminder to resist the urge to feel guilt for feeling joy and for continuing to seek beauty, when surroundings feel heavy. When we remain in our light, we can continue to effectively reflect it in the world. And from that place of living from the divine within us, we contribute to the collective healing.
Where is the flow of life moving within us? How can we live a little more with the flow of life today? Can you feel the flow of life rushing through you? What choices encourage more awareness of this life within us?
Inspiration
“If I don’t suffer when you suffer, it means I don’t care. Is that true?” Byron Katie
“I will never apologize for embracing joy and beauty- even when the world is falling apart- because joy and beauty are my fuel for activism.” Karen Walrond, The Lightmaker’s Manifesto
Sue Monk Kidd recently shared a photo of herself holding the most adorably gentle baby goat with the following caption:
“Today I visited a farm where you can hang out with baby goats. This is Mallard, 4 weeks old. When I sat down in her stall, she literally climbed into my lap.
Holding a baby goat won’t end war, hate, and suffering in the world or take away the despair I feel over it. But as Wendell Berry wrote in his magnificent poem, The Peace of Wild Things, “For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.”